|FRIDAY THE 13TH:
THE REMAKE?! (Dec.05) by Mike C.
Be careful what you wish for:
Friday the 13th: The Remake
Setting: Camp Crystal Lake 2006
A bunch of shirtless jocks with washboard abs and blonde bimbos arrive to film a reality TV series about being a camp counselor.
Little do they know that in the woods lurks a half-dead madman with a hockey mask who runs really really fast and also knows kung-fu. He proceeds to murder them all, one by one, in "bullet time" with his arsenal of computer generated lawn and garden tools. Finally, the black guy and the one white girl left manage to kill this menace by knocking him off a never-before-seen cliff, lakeside.
A Nickelback song will then follow immediately along with the closing credits.
"Sounds great, let's greenlight this f**ker!"
(*editor's note: this article is meant as a sarcastic joke and not an actual Friday The 13th project in the making. We apologize for anyone who thought otherwise. Although, we wouldn't be surprised if this was the pitchs going around Hollywood.)