Horror Real Estate: 8 Places Horror Films Have Taught Us Not To Live In

There’s something eerie and foreboding about the towns, cities and locations of the following films that our own Joshua Soriano sent us. While a lot of horror films focus on people and events, these films, for one reason or another embodies their horror in their locale’s as well. I love this list, and think that you fright fanatics will too. Read on!-Jerry


 

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Salem’s Lot, Maine – SALEM’S LOT

Sure the real estate prices are good, especially when it comes to decaying mansions on hilltops, but Salem’s Lot (formally know as Jerusalem’s Lot) may be a bit of a let down as far as nightlife goes. One would assume it’s hard to enjoy a night on the town when Mr. Barlow is stalking the streets and turning everyone, including children, into bloodthirsty vampires that interupt your r.e.m. cycle by scratching on your windows. You could always go out in the daytime, but basing your social life solely between dawn and dusk can prove futile for even the earliest of birds. Looks like your choices are narrowed down to antique shopping, watching the local crappy high school plays and reading books by creek.

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Woodsboro, California – SCREAM

Obviously an upscale neighborhood, if we’re going by the size of the houses and land, Woodsboro is tucked away in a sleepy valley somewhere in California. Ideal for those who want a break from the stuffiness of the city, this town doesn’t come without its drawbacks–like the serial killer who butchers teens after quizzing them on their favorite horror franchises. Judging from the extensive film knowledge Ghostface and the teens possess, Woodsboro must have a killer local cineplex that showcases classic horror. Fans of sleepy towns like Palo Alto may feel right at home, just don’t associate with the Prescott family in any way. In fact, if you see Sidney or anyone affiliated with her, give them a hearty “hell no” and run in the other direction–your lack of manners will save you in the long run.

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Haddonfield, Illinois – HALLOWEEN 
Boy, if a town was ever cursed, it’s this fucker. Not only is one of the best holidays banned from being celebrated here, there’s little to offer as far as sight-seeing and nightlife. Sure it’s got some charm, like the leaves changing and the suburban neutrality, but it comes at a hefty price. The town is literally haunted by tragedy, making the overall mood of the town a bit depressing. What’s the fun of youth if you can’t enjoy Halloween night? Oh, and it’s the worst place to get injured. The hospital has a skeleton staff of six people at night–the WHOLE hospital. Michael Myers didn’t just kill his family, he killed the economy.

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Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania – GEORGE ROMERO’s “DEAD” Films
If you fancy yourself a hardcore zombie fan, then you know Pittsburgh doesn’t have much appeal as a place to reside. For one, due to unknown circumstances, the dead are rising from their graves to feast on the living. The origin of the phenomenon is unknown and has wiped out most of the city population by the time we get to DAY OF THE DEAD. There’s nothing to offer unless you’re lucky enough to be part of the elite who live in Fiddler’s Green, a self-contained high rise in the “Golden Triangle” district of downtown Pittsburgh. What we have here is a vulgar display of class segregation that would make even the most morally ignorant stop and say, “wait a minute, this isn’t right.” Outside resources are massively limited and chances are, If you aren’t dead, you will be soon.

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Springwood, Ohio – A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET series

While there’s no real problem with the physical town itself, Springwood is notorious for being a bad place to catch up on your rest and relaxation. First off, there’s the townfolks’ tendency to take justice into their own hands and set people on fire, so that’s no good. Also, most of them are too busy getting hammered to listen to their kids’ problems. And what a problem the teens of Springwood have–they can’t enjoy a good night’s sleep because Freddy Krueger is picking them off in their dreams (and practicing his stand-up routine while he does it). This of course means you have sleep-deprived teenagers driving on the roads causing accidents, or worse, zoning out while they put whole milk in your morning coffee instead of half and half.

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Texarkana, The Border of Texas
 ​& Arkansas – THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN

Texarkana used to be a quiet little place to live; a city straight out of the 1950s, where people still left their doors unlocked. That is, until a masked assailant known as The Phantom Killer decided to randomly start killing folks. It doesn’t really matter which version of the film you saw because either way it doesn’t look good–day to day living may prove to be a bit stressful when you’re constantly worried you’ll end up the next victim to the guy who wears a potato sack on his head. The highlight? Every year you can attend a screening of the original film in Spring Lake Park around Halloween time. But again, if you saw the remake, you know that even enjoying a movie in the park can have its dire consequences.

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Derry, Maine – IT (and many other Stephen King stories)

Boy, Maine is just not looking like an ideal state to live in at all. Besides Salem’s Lot, it’s also home to Derry where an entity takes on the the form of a demonic clown who eats children. Nothing is more unsettling than a town unaware of the evil contained within it and if you were growing up in the 1950s or in Derry, you were no doubt aware that children were disappearing. Those lucky enough to make it to adulthood likely never ran into Pennywise the Clown who lived under the streets and tore off the limbs of unsuspecting kiddies. As trusting a community as it might have been, one thing you never trust is a clown that offers you a balloon from a sewer grate. Basically, Maine offers you two choices: be killed by a menacing clown as a child or get turned into a vampire as an adult. Regardless, nobody is making it to their golden years.

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Antonio Bay, California – THE FOG

Besides the fact that it was founded on lies and bloodshed, Antonio Bay is also prone to a visit from a viscous fog that enshrouds the town in the evening. If that isn’t annoying enough for residents, inside the fog are the ghosts of the victims murdered by Antonio’s settlers. Their favorite activity–stabbing locals with swords and hooks. It’s another town literally haunted by the past, but hey, what town isn’t these days? You could always live upwind. Consider it all a trade off for an amazing view of the ocean and the sexy caramel voice of local DJ Stevie Wayne, providing you even make it through the night once the fog rolls in.

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