Double Feature Adventures: BIKER ZOMBIES FROM DETROIT/DEATH SPA!!

It’s been a little while since a real Double Feature Adventures article, due to work schedules and various other forms of roadblocks preventing some hang time between Natty and myself, but alas, when discussing a potential double feature idea, it dawned on me…why not make it a mystery this time around? Giving Natty a call, I pitched the idea that we would both secretly choose a film without letting the other person who what it would be…and from the choices that we both picked,…we are two sadistic people. So if there IS a recurring theme for tonight’s DOUBLE FEATURE ADVENTURES…it would be: “maybe this isn’t the best idea”.

NATTY’s pick: BIKER ZOMBIES FROM DETROIT (2001)

TRAILER:

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Jerry: So, BIKER ZOMBIES FROM DETROIT. I honestly have NO idea what I just watched, and I don’t even mean that as a diss or even in a negative way, per se. I’m just confused, much like how one would be confused if they maybe witnessed a car wreck, then clowns appeared holding potato chips and singing the theme to Cheers. None of that stuff was in the movie tonight, I was just trying to confuse you guys and gals as much as I am right now.

 Natty: I’m a bit confused, only because the car wreck, with the Cheers theme song singing, potato chip holding clowns sounds interesting, and probably better than Biker Zombies from Detroit. I’ve seen it three times, and I still have no idea whats going on.

Jerry: I honestly don’t even get what the film was about. It begins with a zombie giving a voice-over, talking about putting together a gang, and narrating a thug raping a girl, then possessing the thug, and the whole voice-over just made me visualize a zombie in a recording studio, recording that shit in a booth. “Uh yeah, Steve, can I get more treble in my headphones…oh shit, my ear fell off”. Plus, the dialogue was so vulgar, in a very bro-like way…”You see that shit?, that’s weird shit!” followed by two biker dudes talking pervy stuff about underage girls not wearing panties…then zombies kill everyone in a Denny’s I believe…boy oh boy…I am so very confused.

Natty: You’re also forgetting the random karate themed drug deal gone wrong…that is never referenced again. Oh, and the “biker” dudes that just sat on Honda bikes and never actually rode them. Although the movie is pretty pointless, and terrible…I would KILL to have starred in a film like this. Mostly because I would be the best actress in the film. (The acting was bad)

Jerry: I don’t blame the actors or even the director, honestly, I don’t. It’s just a film that the heavens just doomed from the beginning. My favorite scene, and only because of its ridiculousness, is when the main hero character takes the girl he just met on a date to a bar, where a Nu-Metal band is brutally covering Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean, which harkened back to the days of old, when bad bro-metal was filled to the brim with Rap Rock covers of once great songs. While that made me laugh, the scene that followed, where the hero is killed by zombies, goes nuts, and eventually kills the main good girl, his mom gets ran over and the cops blow his head off with a shotgun, right before the zombie gang just drives up….and does absolutely nothing, except give viewers close-up shots of their motorcycles, and yet anotehr zombie voice-over…I AM SO CONFUSED NATALIE!!! WHAT WAS THIS MOVIE?!

Jerry: OH!! OH!!, and the Indian gas station owner, who was reading Fangoria, right before brandishing TWO handguns to fight zombies….HOLY SHIT

 Natty: BIKER ZOMBIES FROM DETROIT is what it was! Do you really expect anything great based on the title?

Jerry: You do have a point.

 Natty: I was wondering if they were trying to either advertise for Fangoria, or somehow insulting Fangoria with that scene.

Jerry: I think it was to say “hey, we like Fango!”, but they could’ve at least had the hero read it, not an older gas station owner….but I digress. All in all, as bad as it was, and how it was VERY obviously shot on video, I must say, I had a hell of a time watching it.

Natty: Right?!?! It is fun, if you make it fun. You really can’t take a film like that seriously. I will admit, in all its glorious horribleness, I am a fan.

JERRY’s pick: DEATH SPA (1989)

TRAILER:


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Jerry: Ya know, to be completely honest, the first time I watched DEATH SPA, I was sick, so I watched it after having Ny-Quil, so I don’t even half-remember it. Having watched it again tonight, not half-asleep…it was an entirely different experience. Why did I do this to you?

Natty: I’m assuming it is because you hate me with every ounce of your being. I expected something totally different. But this…I just don’t know what it is.

Jerry: It has its moments, it really does. How rad was the scene in which the tiles begin to fly at the girls showering, and their only response to the gym’s owner is “You really need better maintenance here” or something like that? Plus, it’s a movie about the ghost of a gym owner’s wife terrorizing the gym members. I could only hope that happens in real life, I HATE going to the gym when it’s full of people. For every muscle man, there’s someone like me, who needs to get in shape, so if my gym’s members got offed, I’d have it to myself!

Natty: That would be great, but you run the risk of never being able to attend a costume party randomly located in the gym, without getting killed.

Jerry: Very true, and having to DIVE THROUGH A FUCKING GLASS DOOR, just to rescue my girlgriend who is getting tanned to death by the ghost of my previous wife….boy oh boy, this one.

Natty: It wasn’t the worst movie, pretty boring though, but the ending was pretty action packed. I think it could have been better if Ken Foree just played every character.

Jerry: ..and a serious question: What purpose does Ken Foree’s character serve in this movie?! How about the couple making out in the sauna, and the guy’s face just explodes? Eh? Eh?

 Natty: Same purpose as Jeff Goldblum in JURASSIC PARK; absolutely nothing…but he looked cool.

Jerry: Uh, HELLO, Goldblum was there to say “uh, DINOSORES” nonstop. Yes, I used the wrong spelling on that on purpose, DINOSORES.

Natty: Seriously! Who even makes out in a sauna?!? Like…hey, let’s do this sweaty activity, in a room that makes you sweaty…so we could get double sweaty!! Or you know, my head could explode.

Jerry: DEATH SPA did have one cool as hell opening crane shot, I’m a fan of that one,..but I think Nicole, my wife, said it best, right before the movie: “Natalie, I’ve now seen this movie twice..and I’m not happy to make tonight the third time.” I think it’s a movie that everyone SHOULD see at least once, but there isn’t a big reason to watching it multiple times…unless it’s to make people upset with you…like tonight.

Natty: That is actually the best way to describe it! The idea was great, but I think an ex-wife haunting a gym is random, and would make a better dark comedy, not an unintentionally funny, and not scary horror film

Jerry: Very true. All in all, as bad as the two movies were tonight, it was a lot of fun, and hell, I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Next week’s SHARK ATTACK! Double Feature of JAWS/DEEP BLUE SEA will be a bit more fun, and I can’t wait to take a bite out of those ones…God, that pun was awful.

Natty: Same here. A lot of fun, with a couple bad films…always a great decision! Especially if you make your friends suffer with you.

Jerry: and tonight, we ALL suffered

Natty: Oh no, good thing our next double feature adventure line up is better than your terrible dad-joke pun.

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