DOUBLE FEATURE ADVENTURES: BLUE RUIN/BLUE STEEL

Last year, my good friend Natty and I started doing “Double Feature Adventures“, which basically translated into finding two completely different types of films, and finding the smallest thing in common between them (for example, HALLOWEEN 6 and MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE both had cults in them, but couldn’t be more different in tone and subject matter). Having taken a decent break from them, we recently decided to start the column again, and to kick things off, the word “Blue” popped into my head, leading us into this weird pairing… blue_ruin Jerry: Ok, so BLUE RUIN..you ready for this one?

Natty: I was born ready…

Jerry: This girl^^

Natty: I just wanted to sound like an ’80s action movie…

Jerry: It worked.

Jerry: I absolutely love this one. It’s extremely different than MURDER PARTY was, but I think that’s the sign of a good creative team, people who never feel the need to repeat themselves. Plus, how could you NOT love a revenge movie that features one hell of a beard?

Lomogram_2014-05-04_09-58-3
Natty: I agree! That beard changed my life. Like I wanted to live in it. But seriously, I loved it. The beard and the film. When you told me about it, you mentioned MURDER PARTY, and I got really excited because I love MURDER PARTY…I was expecting something similar to it, and this movie wasn’t like it at all. It was unlike anything I would expect, but in a good way.
Lomogram_2014-05-04_09-56-2

Jerry: What I really loved about the movie, is how intense it was. You’re continuously waiting for something to happen, so when shit does ends up going down, it makes it twice as powerful. Like how I’m using big words like powerful? I’ve had way too much Dr. Pepper to drink. I’m Pepper drunk. You don’t walk into BLUE RUIN, expecting the wolf-man guy from MURDER PARTY dumpster diving for food and looking all morose in his eyes nonstop

Natty: Yeah, Macon was macon me want to cry…Speaking of Macon jokes, Jerry, why don’t you tell everyone about your joke that you made during BLUE RUIN?

Jerry:  I was just saying that if Macon Blair and Whoopi Goldberg ever decided to become a musical duo, they should call themselves “Macon Whoopi”, ya know, like doing it?

Take into consideration the fact that I ate way too much sugar, and had way too much Dr Pepper prior to brainstorming that awful joke…all of these jokes are just Macon me want to watch it again…
MPW-52619
Jerry: Ok, so for the second movie, I thought it’d be cool to keep the “Blue” in the title theme going and watch one of my favorite Jamie Lee Curtis as a cop in the year of 1989 movies, BLUE STEEL. I love this one, and contrary to what some might say, I’ve always considered it as being on the brink of being a horror film. Ron Silver’s creepy character is basically a slasher with a gun instead of a knife, shooting random people, bathing in blood and stalking Jamie Lee. He might as well be wearing a Shatner mask…

Natty:  Seriously… BLUE STEEL….I can’t believe I have never seen it before. At first, I thought BLUE STEEL was like a documentary on the making of ZOOLANDER or something.

Lomogram_2014-05-04_10-11-0
Jerry:  Yeah, you and Nicole (my wife) thought it was a ZOOLANDER prequel, which really says a lot about the women I surround myself with.

What did you think of the movie? I mean, you’re typically into bathing in blood and chilling with Wall Street dudes who shoot random folks, right?

Natty: Yeah. What the shit?!?! Jamie was adorable In it, but I could have done without the crazy, terribly bearded, dude who uses hookers blood like Axe body wash. Pretty much I would have been content with Jamie striking vogue-like model poses in her Police uniform.

Jerry: That hairdo is pretty in style these days too, you should sport that in the near future, it might bring the nu-mullet crowd to Icons.

Natty: Actually, I have given much thought and consideration on the future of my hair. I want something in between Jamie Lee Curtis in this film, and Kurt Russell in OVERBOARD.

Jerry: So basically,  it be the Laurie Plissken?

NattyI’ll go with Snake Strode.

Jerry: What about the part in the movie, when you’re uncomfortable because the villain is trying to rape Jamie Lee, and basically falls off of the bed buttnaked? It’s awkward.

…and the whole shootout at the end in the middle of the street. The other cops show up EXACTLY right after Jamie Lee shoots the guy. God, I really love this one.

Natty: I’m totally going to get nightmares from that scene. All I saw was an airborne buttcrack. And why does she suck so bad at shooting that guy? Like it literally takes her more than half of the movie to shoot him. Seriously….why does she suck at shooting? She was a cop!

Jerry: Yeah, but if she shot him right away, we wouldn’t have had such a fun movie to watch….

Natty: Um…yes there would have been a fun movie to watch. They could have focused on how much her Dad sucked at life. Or her second sex scene… and extended THAT to an hour.

Jerry: So, all in all, good double feature?, or would you consider this one, like the HALLOWEEN 6/MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE double, a bust?

Natty: I think it was a great double feature. I’m in love with BLUE RUIN, but I probably won’t watch BLUE STEEL again, unless I’m drunk…and I can’t wait for the next double feature!

Jerry: Which will be JAWS/DEEP BLUE SEA!!!

Natty: I may or may not rap along to the LL Cool J song made for DEEP BLUE SEA….

Leave A Comment