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Exploitation Alley: MIAMI CONNECTION!!

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If for some reason I won the lotto and had millions to do whatever I wanted for a while, I have decided that I would travel around the world and introduce everyone to the magnificent gem that I have picked for this week’s Exploitation Alley..because, I simply will not rest till I show this to as many people as I possibly can. This was shown to me by a dear and awesome friend, and I feel it is my rightful duty to pass this on, and I refuse to rest till the world has seen this. So, let’s take it back to 1987…a simple time where the mustaches were lush, mullets were socially acceptable, and ninja attacks were a common threat. It’s time for MIAMI CONNECTION!!!

Made in 1987, it was released to limited theaters in the Orlando area in 1988, and it bombed. That’s right, not even the late 1980s wanted this one. After not being able to find a distributor for the film, director Y.K Kim (who also starred in it) gave up. It wasn’t till twenty years later when a programmer for the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin bought a 35 mm print of the film for fifty bucks on eBay, screened it, and the audience loved it. The rest is history. MIAMI CONNECTION is the perfect example of a movie that is just so bad it’s amazing. Almost every scene is drawn out so long, that after a while you forget what the hell you are watching. If every unnecessarily long scene that had no purpose was taken out, this film would probably be about fifteen minutes long, and that would be no fun at all.

The movie starts out with a confusing drug deal gone wrong. We then get to meet the amazing band Dragon Sound as they play their catchy little tune “Friends” in its entirety. The song alone is pretty entertaining, and when you think you are safe from hearing another extended song that really doesn’t need to be there, but you’re glad it is…we get to hear “Against the Ninja.” Because, you know with all the ninja attacks there needs to be some awareness raised on the issue. The members of Dragon Sound have to be the most random group of friends I have ever seen, but they all have one thing in common: they are over motorcycle riding ninjas harshing their mellows with their crime and stupid cocaine. One of the greatest things about this film, is it changes as the film goes on. Which is a main cause for confusion, and laughter, and confusion again? One minute it is action packed with some sweet choreographed fight scenes, then there is a random forbidden romance between a member of Dragon Sound and the sister of Jeff (one of the bad guys), then becomes a heartwarming story of a guy finding his long lost Father, and then an action movie again. There is just so much good stuff in between that no words can do it justice, you really do have to see this for yourself. You will most likely quote it non-stop, sing Dragon Sound songs to complete strangers in public, and gain an appreciation for this film that only you will understand. In all of its terrible glory, you will probably want to show all your friends, and then watch it about ten times a week for your own personal enjoyment. If you have seen this, not only are you certified rad at life, but you should also remember that this film has an important message: Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace.

MIAMI CONNECTION is now available now via Drafthouse Films.

  • Rock Hardson

    Amazing. *high pitched voice* “my father, my father, oh my god!!”