EXPLOITATION ALLEY: SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE!!

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As a kid, anything with a body count and loads of blood meant a good time. Hell, even these days, nothing beats knocking a few back and enjoying (or at least attempting to enjoy) various slasher films to have come out throughout the years. Some stand the test of time, and others, like 1982’s SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE simply do not. So, with that, put on your denim jackets and red shirts, and bust out your drills, it’s EXPLOITATION ALLEY time!!
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SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE tells the story of Valerie, a high school student who wants to be a part of a group of girls led by Trish, another student who plans on having a sleepover. While Trish invites Valerie, she decides not to go, after hearing one of the girls talk typical high school shit about her..these kids. While this melodrama is going on, we see via the local newspaper, that a deranged serial killer has escaped and boy, do I wonder where he’ll go…you guessed it, after the girls.

After offing a woman and stealing her phone repair van, the killer sets out on his way of messing up everyone’s night, and giving us a pretty decent sized body count as well. The killer first attacks and dispatches a young woman in the high school gymnasium (played by Brinke Stevens) with his signature weapon: a really big drill, then decides to head into the local neighborhood to give us what is probably the most blatant HALLOWEEN knock off of its time.

While Valerie is bummed out at her house, babysitting her bratty sister Courtney, Trish and the rest of the girls are partying it up with a sleepover filled with smoking weed, getting naked, and talking about guys..completely unaware that the drill killer is stalking them, ready to screw things up (see what I did there?). After at least two jump scares from the neighbor who is supposed to be watching the girls, the killer decides to get rid of that guy with a drill to the throat, making the guy’s body fall onto a slug. That might not be a big deal to you Fright Fiends, but it makes me squirm, as I can’t stand slugs. One of the girls, Diane, decides to make out with her jock boyfriend, also unaware that the drill killer is chilling in the garage, and eventually the maniac decapitates the boyfriend and drills Diane to death..this guy really likes to screw chicks (wow..these puns really need to stop Jerry!).

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Like anyone partying it up, the girls decide to order a pizza, and when the pizza guy shows up, drilled right through the eye, the girls FINALLY realize that something is rotten in the town of Haddonfield (wait, this isn’t HALLOWEEN? Oh ok), and arm themselves with knives and anything else they can find. What happens next makes me laugh everytime, one of the girls sends a boy who has spent the majority of the movie spying on the girls outside to see if the coast is clear, and guess what? It’s not! Bye bye horny teenage boy. The drill killer enters the house, murders one of the girls, and chases the remaining two upstairs, to where they hide in their room.

Valerie and Courtney, bored as hell, decide to go check on the girls, and after an extended gag of Courtney asking if she can get just one beer out of the fridge and we continually see a dead body in the fridge, the body falls out, letting the girls know that shit’s not going good for the sleepover. Valerie and Courtney scream, just around the time that the killer sneaks into the bedroom window, killing one of the two remaining sleepover ladies (leaving Trish as the sole survivor of the gang), and gets ready to screw the night up even more (last one, I promise!).

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Just as stuff’s going down, the girl’s P.E. teacher shows up (the girls had called her earlier in the film), beating the driller’s ass with a fire-poker but ultimately getting killed in the process. The three remaining girls run for it, but the killer catches up to them. Now outside, Valerie manages to cut the drill, the killer’s hand, and his stomach, all back to back, sending him into the nearby pool, and how do the remaining girls react? They hug. During this mushy time, the killer gets out of the pool and attacks the girls, running at them, and ending up falling onto a machete that one of them is holding, killing him and thus, allowing the girls to live. All is well.

While not entirely bad, SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE never quite makes it past the point of being a really obvious attempt at cashing in on HALLOWEEN‘s succees. Some of the scenes play out as if someone really tried to make Carpenter’s classic, but with bad lighting and very forgettable characters. It’s hard to care about a single person in the film, because character development is almost non existent here. Even the kills, which happen frequently enough to satisfy all gorehounds out there, never quite pack any punches. It’s like “ok, he kills yet another person with the same exact method of the half dozen folks he killed before”, never giving viewers anything to really remember.

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So, if you’re looking for a hell of a slasher time, I’d recommend opting for HALLOWEEN or even THE BURNING, but if you’re drunk as hell and want a good laugh, pop this one in and get your drill on. Until next week, have a great week everyone!!

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