An introduction by writer Steve Tsapelas: A few years ago, I was desperately single for the first time in awhile. Having no luck with the ladies, I said to my friend Brian…
"I wish I could hire a celebrity to get my ass in gear and help me meet women. Like Lance Henriksen! But knowing my luck, Lance would charm girls by telling him that he was originally supposed to play the Terminator and I’d be shit out of luck."
And I suddenly thought — ‘That would be a great short film! So I wrote a semi-biographical ode to my favorite character actor in 2006 and loved it so much that I went with my friends Brian Amyot and Angel Acevedo to Monster Mania to do the fanboy thing — Pitch Lance Henriksen our idea. Lance was incredibly nice and said he would read the script and contact us — but alas, we still haven’t heard back.
A few months after that, Brian, Angel and I were trying to think of a premise for a new webseries, when we hit upon the semi-autobiographical idea of three single guys that have no luck with the ladies — and "We Need Girlfriends" was born. The show went on to much success — but I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if Bishop were involved. – Writer Steve Tsapales
Editor’s Note: I had first met Steve briefly after a screening of the short film he co-scripted called ALPHA DEAD, which was a “living dead” flick about a Hofstra sorority house that gets “zombified” and later extinguished by super-sexy pledge Charlene Miller and the hilarious local pizza guy, Joe Coburn. Shortly after that, I saw his short film TEENAGE SUPERHERO PREGNANCY SCARE, and also read his follow-up collaboration with ALPHA DEAD director John Torrani, CHARLENE: SHE WOLF OF MY HEART OR WHY IS EVERY GIRL I MEET INTO WEIRD NAZI THINGS.
Needless to say, (and with titles like that!) I became a huge fan of Steven’s writing because it was refreshingly original, filled with the type of references I easily related to, and above all… was absolutely hilarious.
After we struck up a friendship, I’d constantly ask Steve to send me his scripts. I didn’t care it they were incomplete or works in progress, I just wanted to see how this guy went about the process of writing his material. There were plenty of stories and ideas that I loved, but the one that stood out… was the UNTITLED LANCE HENRIKSEN ROMANTIC COMEDY. Yes, a script that featured legendary actor Lance Henriksen (of ALIENS, PUMPKINHEAD, MILLENNIUM, NEAR DARK!) offering love advice to a fan, then stealing all his women by explaining how he would’ve played "THE TERMINATOR." It was one of the few scripts that literally made me laugh out loud on every page. (And hell, I’m a huge Lance fan too!) As soon as I read it, I wanted somehow to share this sucker with the entire world! I just couldn’t figure out exactly how!
Steve and his filmmaking group Ragtag Productions went on to create and produce the WE NEED GIRLFRIENDS web-series. Much like the “LANCE” script, it featured 3 characters, loosely based on him and his friends attempting to make sense of the insanity that is “dating”. I followed it just like everyone else, but was longing for the sudden appearance of Lance Henriksen somewhere in there!
Now, on the cusp of the premiere of their new web series, as well as a party later this week celebrating WE NEED GIRLFRIENDS, we decided the best way to share this untold Lance Henriksen story would be to let you guys read the original script the same way we did. Click the link below and prepare for a hilarious read from the creator of WE NEED GIRLFRIENDS. This script has got it all! Yes, even SUPER MARIO BROTHERS references. ENJOY! –Robg.