Okay, say it. Go ahead, I can take it. You’ve never seen Hollywood
Chainsaw Hookers. Then you saw the title of this review. And you
said to yourself, "Oh mannnnn, this movie is NOT gonna be good!"
Well, you’re right. But not exactly. You see, any horror fan worth
his bloody machete has to have a good appreciation for bad movies.
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers certainly falls into that category, but
it’s got its tongue firmly planted in cheek. And if you watch it
knowing nobody meant for it to be taken seriously, you should actually
Okay, so let’s start off with what’s bad. Well, actually it’s all
bad, but I love it. The acting is borderline competent. I could tell
that the actors were just out to have fun, and nobody was expecting an
Oscar nod. The special effects are downright silly. The dialogue
spoofs old detective movies, and throws in all sorts of bad sexual
puns. The title is an obvious ripoff of a horror classic.
Now the good. Michelle Bauer naked. Fred Olen Ray having fun with
his direction. A Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws. And Gunnar
Hansen as the guru leader of a chainsaw cult! Yes, Gunnar Hansen!
How can you top another chainsaw movie with the original Leatherface
Oh, I should mention the plot. A private detective hired to find a
couple’s daughter comes across a chainsaw cult. Lots of dick jokes
ensue. Blood flies. So do boobs. That’s about it. And Michelle
Bauer’s naked. I know, I know. But it’s definitely worth a 2nd
This movie has more extras than a film of this caliber should be
allowed, but they’re great! Trailers for this and two other sleaze
flicks. Two episodes of Night Owl Theatre, with Fred Olen Ray
himself, and his hot wife. And a 23 minute featurette! It’s actually
more in depth than your actual kissass fluff piece. Oh, and Michelle
Bauer’s naked on the main menu screen! What more could I ask for?
Okay, I’d love a commentary with Fred and Michelle, but I’ll keep my
No, Hollywood Chainsaw is not a good movie. But it’s good for the
purpose it serves. Low aspirations make for great entertainment, and
I cherish my copy as much as I do my copy of The Omen. Oh, and
Michelle Bauer’s naked.